A piece of chocolate a day keeps the psychiatrist away

I have an addiction to chocolate. I literally eat ONE piece a day to keep me sane. I figure I exercise about 1.5hrs a day (plus running around at work all day) so I can allow myself this little luxury. I LOVE Dove Chocolates for the little sayings inside each wrapper. I won't share them with anyone unless they promise to tell me what it says.

"We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do"

Today Laurent told me I am just like Mother Teresa but cuter! That is why I love him.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent

I am going to write the kind of blog post I would love to read-the kind that is really putting it all out there. It has been no secret that the past year of my life has not been a pleasure cruise. I usually keep personal details of my life to myself and maybe to 1 or 2 of my closest friends, so most do not know anything I have been dealing with. Because of the hard hits I have taken this year my self-confidence has severally dropped. I did not realize quite how bad it was until my best friend slammed it in my face today, and I realize it is critical to change.
I often look at myself and wonder where has that girl gone who was happy all the time? Where is the girl who was always smiling, and nobody ever heard her say an unkind word to anyone? Where has that girl disappeared to who loved life and thought she was on top of the world? At times I don’t even recognize myself, and want desperately for the old Margot to re-appear. So I have a plan, I will bring her back. But this time she will be new and improved and much stronger so she never has to feel this again.
1. Today I decided to make a list of things I loved about myself. (Cheesy I know but it seems appropriate in my state) I listed two things, and could not think of a single other thing. SERIOUS PROBLEM. I texted my best friend Julie and told her without any explanation that I couldn’t name more than 2 things I love about myself. Without asking why I was making such a list, or thinking it strange, she replied asking if she could tell me some things she loves about me. With in the next minute my inbox was flooded with over ten things she loves about me. Some examples: Sense of humor, perfect teeth, the gift I have with the piano, she loves watching and talking to me while I put my make up on and do my hair, how brave I was to go to Africa, how I support her anything she chooses, and my strength. I know it is absolutely PATHTIC but I need to be reminded of such things frequently especially by those I love. It made me able to carry on with my own list, a few are: I love how passionate I am. If I set my mind to doing something I love IT WILL GET DONE, and be perfect. I get very passionate about people, causes, and projects. I passionately love people, and will support and love them till the bitter end no matter how many times they hurt me. I love how affectionate I am. I love to sit close to people, I hold my little brothers hand constantly, and not to mention all the love and affection I smother Laurent with. My favorite feeling in the world is cuddling a small child and feeling their fingers wrapped around mine. I love how organized I am and my ability to multi-task. Without this I would be lost at my job, and school. Lastly, I love that I can cry like a baby while listening to beautiful opera music.
2. Why in the world shouldn’t I be happy? I feel like so many people think happiness is some gift they need to earn. I recently came across this quote that has change my outlook considerably. “People universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you are fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it.” We all know that I saw my fair share of pain and suffering in Rwanda. People who had watch their whole family murdered before their eyes-yet a smile never left their face. They never hesitated to welcome me in to their home; they never stopped singing and dancing. They are truly a beautiful example to me. If they can be happy, why not me?
3. Body Image. I realize this portion of my entry will be shallow. Having a parasite is one of the worst things that could have happened to me. It made me starving for junk food all the time. It stole all the nutrients from my body leaving me with the bad that caused me to gain weight. Constant stomach bloating is also a symptom. I have always been very careful with my body to keep it fit, sexy and healthy. So sudden weight gain, and a flabby tummy made me want to die. I have been working out tons lately, and slowly but surely I am getting my old body back. Not to say I was ever fat or overweight, but not having my model body has been devastating to me. It has caused me to never want to wear anything but sweatpants and made me hate myself every time I looked in the mirror. I really think the endorphins of working out have been helpful to me.
4. How to fix the problem. This will be a long, life long process. First and foremost I will stop making excuses/apologies for who I am. I am one of the most unique people you will ever meet, and that makes me special. Every day I will force negative thoughts out of my head. I will do some act of service for another EVERYDAY. Stop telling myself I don’t deserve things; I deserve to be happy and feeling wonderful. Doing all of these things will make my friendships stronger, my relationship with Laurent better, and most importantly I will love myself. "Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognized yourself as a friend."
I know I will need a lot of love and encouragement to complete my journey of being someone I can love and share with others for the rest of my life. I know I must love myself and accept who I am and fully be what I am, then, when I am back my simple presence can make others happy.

Knysna (nyzz-nah)

I know that I am officially a crazy dog person now because I am dedicating this whole post to my dog, but I don't care because I love her so much! Knysna (one of our favorite places in South Africa) is the nicest dog you will meet. She loves everyone of all ages, race, and gender-unless she thinks someone is threatening you. No matter where you are in the house she will come lay down next to you, and be your shadow. Because she is a Saint Bernard she has a lazy streak a mile long. Every morning when I say it's time for her walk she lays back down and fake snores. I could go on forever about my perfect beautiful dog, but I will stop now and just let you enjoy the pictures of her growing up!

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive

I have some bad news that might be a secret to most... If you have ever driven with me, you know you have to hold on tight. It's not that I'm really a bad driver, it's just that I like to get to places quickly. Someone once told me I drive like I'm in Africa all the time-weaving in and out of traffic, not using full stops, you know... My mom even told me that driving with me is like riding on a ride at Disney Land. But here's the secret, when I am driving with others I use my best driving behavior. What you might say!? Yes it's true I'm actually a worse driver when I'm driving solo.
1. I have been pulled over 3 times, but I have never gotten a ticket!
2. The day I got my license I backed in to someone, but didn't really do any damage.
3. I have hit probably 50 garbage cans.
4. Ran into a fence.
5. Knocked my side mirror off when I drove into a hedge.
6. Nearly flipped the car (with the whole family in it) while trying to text and drive.
I'm pretty sure I could go on, but I will stop here, because I still want people to drive with me, because I'm really not that bad of a driver. I promise.

The sad thing is, I think I might be capable of something like this...

Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?

I realize I might step on a few toes with this blog, but this is a place for me to express myself, so here I go. You know how sometimes when you’re stressed you eat A LOT? Well I do the opposite. When I am under stress, I physically cannot eat a thing. I had a very stressful morning that wiped me out for the entire day - never felt hungry at all, just nauseous. When I finally forced myself to eat, it didn't agree with me and I got sick and lost it all anyway. I realize it’s not the healthiest thing to do, but I honestly can’t help it.
The thing I get most bothered about is if someone is under stress and gains a little bit of weight nobody cares, but if they lose weight no one understands it. In my opinion it is just as bad to be called too skinny as over weight. It’s basically saying that whoever you are isn’t right.
So, stop asking my mom if I’m okay or if I’ve lost weight-I’m just fine! I’ve just had a stressful year. Luckily with this parasite I have developed a bloated tummy so it has gotten a few people off my case. I love eating healthy, and exercising, and I try to love my body no matter what shape it is in!

When I grow up I want to be...

After years of being asked what I want to be when I grow up, I can finally answer that question! If you know me, you know I have a wide variety of interests, so I couldn't just settle on one degree; I'm going for 3.

#1 Interior Designer. This is what I started college majoring in; the only difference is that I'm going to get my associates now instead of bachelors. Reasoning: I love designing, and being creative but not so much the technical side of it, which is what a lot of the bachelor's degree focused on. I really didn't see a point in taking a bunch of classes in things I would NEVER actually use in my career. This will be a good profession when I have a family because I can just work from home and take on as many clients as I feel comfortable doing!

#2 Global Studies, with a minor in Travel and Tourism. This is an obvious choice for me-someone who has lived their whole life traveling. I love learning about the world, and traveling is probably my number one passion in life. With the minor in T&T it will also give me some great job opportunities.
#3 I want to get my Masters in Country Development. Ever since volunteering in Rwanda it has opened my eyes so much to how badly other countries need our help. This masters program is offered mostly outside the US, which is great because I would love to move someone outside the country for an extended period of time. This also fits perfectly with what Laurent wants to do, Anthropology, (just like my father, funny?!) with an emphasis on archeology. I don't like planning too far in advance, but I could see him out in the field digging/doing research while I work for a NGO like World Vision.
Anyway, I feel good about finally reaching a decision! I know it'll be a long road with lots of hard work, but I'm ready!

Concrete Jungle

I recently returned from one of the best trips of my life! I was lucky enough to go to New York City with Laurent! His sister and nephew live there, and his parents were coming over from France to visit, so it was the perfect opportunity to meet the family! I was really nervous, but that quickly faded, because he has the most wonderful family in the world. We had such a good time, it was Laurent's first time in NYC so we got to go see all the fun sights. The best part though was being able to spend 10 WHOLE days with my best friend!

A few highlights!




Love him!