I never intended for this blog to be one in which I talked about “feelings” all the time, but I suppose that is what has been on my mind these past few months. It is safe to say that I am a broken being right now. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity this last little while, but now it is time to be tough again and live my life in accordance to my biggest inspiration; “In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed.” I have gone through all the stages of pain: Sadness, anger, bitterness, blaming myself. No matter how much I focused on these I never found solace in any of them. This person hurt me, but when I look at the big picture I am thankful they inflicted this on me, and I was not the one who did it to them. Maybe it is selfish but I would much rather suffer than know I had made another feel like this.
While talking to my mother she fed the famous line, “it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” I know this to be true. She also gave me the advice of- I can’t rely on others for my happiness. My fortune cookie is even trying to point me into the right direction- your good nature will bring you happiness.
So it is clear that I am on to bigger and better things than being sad about my life. I have decided to put together a list of goals for myself:
- Start dancing again
- Join a fencing gym
- Practice, practice, practice until I have perfect German, and French
- Become certified to teach yoga
- Start designing again, and get my look book put together
- Stick to my daily work out schedule and get to the point that I’m proud of my body
- Fill out my application to be on The Amazing Race
- Have a solid repertoire including-
- Prelude in C Sharp Minor by Sergei Rachmaninoff
- Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy
- The Swan by Camille Saint-Saens
- Turkish March by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
- Song of India Rimsky Korsakov
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