Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sweet Time of Grieving



        I never intended for this blog to be one in which I talked about “feelings” all the time, but I suppose that is what has been on my mind these past few months.  It is safe to say that I am a broken being right now.  I’ve been wallowing in self-pity this last little while, but now it is time to be tough again and live my life in accordance to my biggest inspiration; “In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud.  Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed.”  I have gone through all the stages of pain: Sadness, anger, bitterness, blaming myself.  No matter how much I focused on these I never found solace in any of them. This person hurt me, but when I look at the big picture I am thankful they inflicted this on me, and I was not the one who did it to them.  Maybe it is selfish but I would much rather suffer than know I had made another feel like this. 
            While talking to my mother she fed the famous line, “it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”  I know this to be true.  She also gave me the advice of- I can’t rely on others for my happiness.  My fortune cookie is even trying to point me into the right direction- your good nature will bring you happiness.
            So it is clear that I am on to bigger and better things than being sad about my life.  I have decided to put together a list of goals for myself:
  • Start dancing again
  • Join a fencing gym
  • Practice, practice, practice until I have perfect German, and French
  • Become certified to teach yoga
  • Start designing again, and get my look book put together
  • Stick to my daily work out schedule and get to the point that I’m proud of my body
  • Fill out my application to be on The Amazing Race 
  • Have a solid repertoire including-
    • Prelude in C Sharp Minor by Sergei Rachmaninoff
    • Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy
    • The Swan by Camille Saint-Saens
    • Turkish March by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
    • Song of India Rimsky Korsakov 

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