Rwanda 1/27/11

"How do you sleep while the rest of us cry? How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye” This quote is an accurate description of my week so far. For lack of a better word, I have been quite depressed this week. At the orphanage the mothers are very cruel to the children. They all walk around with sticks and use them frequently. It literally makes me sick to see kids as young as 2 get hit. Synnøve said she even saw a mother spit on one of the 4 year olds. The way I see it these children have been abandoned in one way or another, and feel a sense of being unwanted. Instead if getting the emotional support and love they need, they get beaten down over, and over again. The worst thing is I feel so inadequate and unable to do anything. I try hard to give individual attention and love to the children, but when I'm only at the orphanage a little bit every week and there are close to

600 children, it is almost impossible. Everyday that I am there, as I cuddle and play with a child I think to myself: today I hope my love is enough.
I can attest that when doing the HIV testing in the lab, and I see a test come up positive, I get a feeling of pure dread. It was especially devastating this time because the woman was pregnant, and came to get tested because her husband cheated on her. How do you tell a pregnant woman she is positive? How do you tell her that her child has a good chance of being positive as well? How do you tell her that she shouldn't breastfeed her baby even though you know she has no other option? How do you tell her she won't live long enough to see her baby grow up and start a family of their own? How do you say that their child may never get that chance? The answer is, no matter how it's said it will be some of the hardest words you ever have to speak.

Rwanda 1/25/11

Mwaramutse, Nitwa Margot. Navuye muri Amerika kungurango Mbafashe, Kandi mbigishe ibijyanye n'gakoko gatera SIDA. Nkunda Urwanda kandi nishimye kuba hano. Ufite ikiboazo ashobora kumaza.

Rwanda 1/24/11

This weekend was a very good one. Saturday we spent basically all day at the pool. I literally put sunscreen on 10 times, and by some miracle I didn't get burnt. Then Sunday we went back to the Gorilla Hotel to use their wireless I finally got to reply to everyone. I felt horrible, because I hadn't been able to reply to my mom for over a week, and she was very worried. Then the high light of our weekend... Going over to Katie, and Kostas’s home. They are the sweetest people I have ever met. And Kostas has had one of the most amazing, and inspirational lives. For starters he's been to over 100 countries. He's from Rhodes, Greece. He was always an atheist until he met some Christian volunteers and was so impressed that they weren't just Christians that were in their churches singing songs, but were actually living their religion. He talked about living up to the label that we bare. He then had a spiritual journey, and to this day is a strong Christian. (Funny side note, as soon as I told Katie I live in Utah she asked me if I was Mormon) Anyway, he worked on Mercy Ship for quite a few years then followed his girlfriend to Norway to study. He wanted to get into a school/program for country development which is harder to get in to than med school. So he simply wrote a letter to them saying that by accepting him it would be a great asset to the rest of his life. And he got accepted! He didn't know the language at all when he moved there and said at first he felt mentally retarded compared to everyone else. But he was very determined and he soon was top of his class. During this time he married and divorced his Norwegian girl friend. He then made his way up in the world with his career and family. He met the wonderful wife Katie, and had 2 children, and 1 on the way, and is now the director of World Vision Congo. Talking to him and listening to his advice made me feel a lot better about my currently unplanned life. In some way I am really stressed that I just took a year off of university, but he made me realize that this time here will shape me for the rest of my life-that my experiences here I couldn't get close to having in a classroom. Doing hard things here makes me get to know myself and find who I really am. In the next little bit I need to formulate a plan for the next few years, and right now all I can say is that what is the most important to me is following my dreams, I can't ever think that anything is ever unreachable. I need to do something I'm passionate about and makes me feel happy, and fulfilled. Right now I don't know whether that is hotel management, country development, interior design, nursing, or international relations, but I am quite sure the answer will come at the right tine, I also want to say to anyone who is thinking about volunteering that they will never regret it. I feel like this time in my life is to be enjoyed, and a time of learning and traveling. This is the perfect time to have these experiences and get out and see the world, and do things that are out of my comfort zone to help me grow as a person. There is no better way to get to know a country than by serving it's people. All in all I know I was led to this country and put in these situations for a reason, and I thank my Heavenly Father for that everyday.
**Kostas wanted to know if he could be our foster parents, and said we could come hang out whenever we wanted to!

Rwanda Pictures!

   2,000 frank bills are very common

 The children at the orphanage love pictures!

 Tim, (from England, and the director of the clinic)

 The baby I delivered

 School children

 Rwanda is SO beautiful!

 Natalie, Sunny, and I outside the Genocide memorial

 Our bathroom. NO hot water

 Hitch Hiking!

 Our shadow from walking on the canopy

 Our  favorite resturant

The road on the way to our house

Rwanda 1/22/11

Genocide
It's Friday and I'm very excited to have a relaxing weekend. After Marit, SynnØve and I left the orphanage we went to the market to buy vegetables to make guacamole, and went on an aimless search for chapatti. We got a movie called A Saturday in Kigali to watch. It was a movie about the genocide. I have found here that NO ONE talks about the genocide. Or if they do they mention it casually like "Yeah my parents, and 3 of my siblings got killed in 1994." They never say genocide, only 1994. The movie was shocking and horrifying to see. Even though it unpleasant to watch I think it was important to do so. Rwanda is a lesson to the world in forgiveness, and moving on from the past. If these people can still smile and enjoy their tragedy stricken lives, then we can do the same on a much smaller scale in our own lives.

Rwanda 1/15/11

Everyday life

I realize that I have been writing about several different experiences I've had, but I have never talked about my everyday life here. So this entry will be about a typical day in Margot’s life. First off I live in the rural town of Gisenyi. There is an active volcano 2 k away from us, and at night we can see the red glow billowing out from it. About 10 minutes walk away is Lake Kivu, which is a volcanic lake, it is very warm and fun to swim in, and it has a very nice sandy beach. Also about 2 k away is the boarder of Congo. We made friends with the boarder manager's son, so we’re hoping to go over the boarder some day! The town of Gisenyi has approximately 2 paved roads, no stop lights, and one stop sign-but I don’t think anyone knows what it means because I have never seen anyone stop at it.
I live in a house on the outskirts of town with the other volunteers. Marit and SynnØve are my best friends here; they are from Norway and work in the children’s program at the orphanage. Tim, and his girlfriend Lynn are from England, and are the funniest people I have ever met. Tim works with me in the HIV program while Lynn works in the GVB (Gender Based Violence) program. Then there is Kristi from Alaska who also works in the GVB. We are such a happy little family here! We also have Jane who lives in the house and is a translator and Ashimma who is the security guard, and Kitezzi who runs the house- cooks, cleans etc.
I wake up around 7 or 8 every morning then head to the clinic after a few hours. Before Tim got his motorbike it took quite a while to get there. First we had to walk into town, which takes about 20 minutes. Find a bus, sit on the bus for 15 minutes before it actually started going. Ride the bus for 15 minutes. Then walk or sit on the back of someone’s bike to Murara umudungudu (village), which takes 30 minutes walking or 20 riding. All the way into the village children run out of their houses yelling muzungu, muzungu!! That means white person, and everyone here calls us that. It’s not a racist term, but it does get annoying when you can hear people talking about you everywhere you go. Seeing white people here is a novelty to most though because
I can go a whole week without seeing another muzungu.
Anyway when we finally reach the clinic the first thing I do is take the blood for the HIV testing. There are always 15-70 people wanting to get tested. After taking all their blood I go to the lab and do the tests. After, I go back to the room and teach my HIV class. I usually break it up into 4 different parts: What is HIV, how do you get it, prevention, and what to do if your test is positive. After the class we have all the people come into a room individually (or as a couple) and we deliver the results, and offer further counseling. This generally takes most of the day, and I either go home afterwards, or stay and do other miscellaneous tasks that are needed such as medication distribution, or HORRIBLE paperwork. I have also spent the last 2 Friday afternoons at the orphanage working with the older children (15-20) either watching a movie with them or helping in their English learning class. Then I come home, attempt to bathe, read, do other things, and then have “family dinner”. Which is always rice, red sauce, unidentifiable vegetables, and best of all potato wedges, or as the brits call them, chips. After dinner we usually talk or watch a movie then go to bed early. And that is a normal day in my life in Gisenyi, Rwanda.

Rwanda 1/14/11

This week has been an interesting one. Monday we spent in Kigali doing several different errands, and lounging in a tent at Shokola. That night when I was back home in Gisenyi I started throwing up, and sweating more than I ever have in my life. I didn’t sleep much that night, and thought I was close to death. Tuesday, I was still sick, and Wednesday not fully recovered yet. So my good friend/translator had her sister come over and braid my hair like a true African woman. Thursday I felt much better so I went to the clinic-good thing I did because it was a busy day! When I got there, there were two women ready to deliver, however they weren’t dilated very much, so I went into the recovery room and was talking to a patient, and holding her newborn daughter. She told me that I could name her. I named her my favorite name, Adeline. I felt so honored! I spent the rest of my time at the clinic doing medical paper work (all in French) and passing out, preparing people’s medications. The woman still weren’t dilated enough, and I had to go home for Kristi’s party. She was having her “women” over who are part of her gender based violence group. Today I went to the orphanage, to help teach the 4 year olds group, and have movie time with the 15-20 year olds. I am loving my time here, lots of good experiences, new friends, and a ton of love. Everything would be perfect if only Laurent were here; I miss him more than I thought I ever would!

Rwanda 1/11/11

This weekend we (Marit, Synnøve and I decided to go to the Nyungwe jungle with Kristi and Tim. I have to say that getting to the jungle and back was more adventurous than the jungle itself. We came up with a certain criteria for the bus rides to be acceptable-all from previous BAD experiences. Let me begin by explaining that the term “bus” is used loosely here. Most of the so-called “busses” are oversized vans with an extra row of seats bolted down to the floor with 4 people are smashed into each row. Also bear in mind that Africans have absolutely no sense of personal space, and have no problem laying on you, elbowing you, and placing their bags on your lap. Anyway, here is the list that should be closely observed if traveling on a bus in Africa.
1.Don’t sit by a speaker unless you want your eardrums blown out by Kinyarwanda gibberish.
2.Don’t sit above a tire
3.Don’t sit by a lady with raw flesh in a bucket.
4.Don’t sit by a girl who is going to school for the first time. SHE WILL THROW UP ON YOUR BACKPACK.
5.Don’t trust them to put your backpack in the trunk, chances are the trunk will fly open and your pack will go flying out on the road.
6.DO NOT be the unlucky 3rd person in the row who is half on the bench seat and half on the single seat because you will not be able to feel your arse for the next 3 days.
7.Push, shove, do anything you can to get a window seat, and try to keep the window open for as long as possible to keep yourself from getting asphyxiated by fellow riders, who have not yet discovered the wonders of deodorant.
8.Don’t sit behind a baby, because they all wear cloth diapers that tend to get very stinky.
One thing you must do is expect the most bizarre things to happen. For example we were in the middle of no where in the pitch black, and out of no where a motorcycle pulls up next to the bus, and the bus pulls to the side of the road and the rider of the bike hands a random woman on the bus a couple thousand franks. A few minutes later on the same deserted road we pull over once more, and hand a man on the side of the road a suitcase that had been on the bus the whole time.

Anyway, the jungle was absolutely amazing. We went on a canopy hike; the canopies were a little scary but breath taking. We learned that the forest has been around longer than any other, and if we were to dig below the trees there would be tons of dinosaur bones. Also it is one on the only forests that remained fertile during the ice age. That night we camped. (My favorite thing…) I cooked dinner since unfortunately I am expert at campfire cooking. The next morning the 2 girls and I decided to spend the next night in Kigali, so we packed up and asked when the next bus was. The man said not for a few hours, and most busses would be full that day. So we decided to take our chances hitchhike back to Kigali. We got really lucky and flagged down the second car that passed us. The two “sensible chaps” took us most of the way to Kigali. It was so good to see our friends there. We went to Hotel De Milles Collenies, or better known as Hotel Rwanda. We had lunch, and swam there, the whole time however I kept picturing scenes from the movie. That night we went to Shokola for a goodbye diner for Jemma, Brett, and Tony.
GREAT WEEKEND!

Rwanda 01/06/11

I am now getting settled into my new home in the beautiful city of Gisenyi. We are about 2 miles away from an active volcano, and the same distance away from the boarder of Congo. I have been very discouraged so far for a number of reasons: The national language of Rwanda is English, but no one speaks it. All the medical records that I have to do are in French, but understanding peoples' French here is very difficult, and most don't speak it anyway. I am working on my Kinyarwanda, but it just takes time to learn a language. The last two days have helped me a lot, to become less discouraged however.
Today I helped deliver a baby. I have to admit I was absolutely terrified, but I put my brave face on, and got to work. Towards the end of labor I offered a silent prayer that I would be strong and able to do this, and that the mother and baby would both be healthy. Less than 2 minutes after the beautiful baby boy was born I passed out. It was an amazing testimony of prayer for me. Heavenly Father preserved me just long enough to do what I needed to do; then let my body take its natural course. It's one of my best friends birthday today, so it was a wonderful thing to happen-bring a baby into this world on this special day.
Yesterday I spent the day at the orphanage. It was incredible in so many ways. But best of all it helped me be less frustrated with the language barrier. I learned something important; there is no need for a common language when showing love and compassion. At the orphanage I was overwhelmed at the love I could feel for the children who climbed on my lap and wrapped my arms around them. They just wanted to feel loved for a few minutes out of their week. We could not understand each other, but it didn't matter. We still played, sang songs, and most of all opened our hearts to each other.
As I held the hand of the mother in labor we once again couldn't speak the same language but as she held tightly to my hand, and I rubbed her arm and shoulders I could feel my love for her, and I knew she was grateful I was there for her. After the birth she looked up, and we made eye contact, and I smiled at her with tears in my eyes, thankful that I had been there to help her in her time of need, knowing she felt the same way.

Rwanda 01/03/11

Today as part of orientation we went to the genocide memorial museum in Kigali. It was a beautiful place, but the museum was very difficult to handle. During my tine in there, many tears were spilt at the stories and horrible atrocities that took place. Perhaps the hardest room was the last one-the children’s memorial. In this room they had large photos of children that were donated by their families. Underneath the beautiful pictures they had: their name, age, favorite foods, toy, activity, and best friend. Some even had their last words, and worst of all; how they were murdered. My heart absolutely broke reading all of these things. I will never understand how these horrible men thought it was okay to murder these innocent children.

Rwanda 01/02/11

I don't know

       Since my arrival in Rwanda there have been 3 words I have said more times than any other.  Those are: I don't know.

• I don't know why when my plane landed in Addis Ababa it landed lop-sided and we almost flipped over and skidded off the runway.
• I don't know why the man sitting next to me on the plane felt the need to get drunk.
• I don't know why my luggage didn't show up, or why they didn't call me when it finally did. 
• I don't know whether I will be living in Kigali or Gisenyi for the next 6 weeks.
• I don't know why by some grace of God I ran into some Mormon missionaries on my flight who have helped me out more than I can say.
• I don't know why Africans have NO sense of urgency when it comes to time except for the motorcycle taxi's-who will endanger your life to get you there as speedy as possible.
• I don't know why they ushered us on to a hot stuffy shuttle bus for half an hour + while our plane was being cleaned instead of leaving us inside where we were at our gate.
• I don't know if my poor family and boy friend are worried to death because they haven't heard from me since I got here. 
• I don't know why the car taking me to the guest house stopped working in the middle of a busy street, and I had to lock all the doors and windows as I watched helplessly the driver jump on the back of a random bike to "go find a new car."
• Most of all, I don't know why, but I am absolutely in love with the beautiful country of Rwanda.