Pre-Rwanda

I just have one more day until I start my journey in Rwanda.  I am supposed to have a mission statement for my time there and I have decided to use BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.   I realize that I am just one out of the 6,884,909,953 people in the world but I hope that I will be able to help change at least one person’s life. 

I constantly get the question, why are you going? Why Rwanda?  I suppose I will answer that question right now for everyone.  About 2 years ago I had the opportunity to have Paul Rusesabagina over to my home for dinner.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with that name he is the man who saved hundreds of lives in the Rwandan genocide and who the movie Hotel Rwanda is about.  Listening to him talk about everything he experienced made me ache for the people of Rwanda.  Ever since then I promised myself I would one day go and help those in need.  I read a book shortly after that is called, Left to Tell which is about a woman who spent almost 3 months in a tiny bathroom with several other woman hiding.  This was a deeply disturbing book, but it strengthened my resolve to go and help.

Yesterday as I was packing to leave I started to get nervous.  It finally hit me that I am leaving.  I have been waiting for this for months, if not my entire life.  As I walked out of my room for the last time and closed the door behind me I thought about how next time I walk through that door I would be a new person.  I hope I can change lives, and in return let those I’m serving change mine.  I know this experience will be heart breaking, exciting, challenging, and most of all rewarding. 

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

This will be my last blog post before I write solely about my time in Rwanda.  As I pondered what to write about I couldn’t move away from thinking about the people who have gotten me to this point in my life.  As I end 2010 I have a lot of people to thank for molding me into the person I am today.   I know it is cliché, but I feel it is important.  Everyone in my life is an inspiration to me, but here are a few that have really altered me this year:

(In no particular order)

Lacey Hannig Where to begin with this girl…  We have pretty much been through every possible thing together, from enduring high school to dealing with the pains of “the real world.”  We have stood by each other through everything, and she has been a huge source of strength in my life.  Thank you for never judging, and being there for me no matter what.  You are a great mom, and just know I can feel the love you have for your baby Ayden.

Ellie Madsen I know being sisters isn’t always easy, especially when we were both self-absorbed teenagers.  But I have really enjoyed re-developing our relationship.  I know I don’t see you too much, but I always enjoy it when we can go to lunch together.  You have always been a great example to me, being the older sister; I hope to someday be as darling and creative as you. PS. I love your husband.

Lizzy Skouson You are a great example of giving tough love.  You aren’t afraid to tell me exactly what you think of a situation, and I’ve learned to respect all different opinions.  I love you so much, and I miss living with you.  I could go on and on about all of our good times up in SAH with you, but thank you for making BYU-I bearable for me.

Julie Powell  Julie is the biggest example of living a beautiful life.  She finds beauty and inspiration in all she does, and most importantly follows her dreams, and doesn’t let anything hold her back.  Once again, Julie has stood by my side through every tear, laugh, and change I have had in my life.  We haven’t lived close to each other for the past 4 years, but our friendship bond stays strong. 

Laurent Gontier Laurent not only is my boyfriend, but my best friend.  I have never had so much in common with anyone in my life.  He is the most caring person I know, and would do absolutely anything for me.  We’ve had our hard times, but the love we share always heals everything.  We have such a special bond, most couples couldn’t make things work living in separate states and NEVER seeing each other. Pour toujours vôtre!

My Family I know my parents have given us everything they possibly could.  I am most thankful to them for giving me the opportunity to travel as much as I have, I have learned so much from those experiences that I could never learn in a classroom.  I know I’ve let you down countless times, but thank you for always forgiving  me.  My brothers are the funniest people in the entire world, and always know how to make me laugh.  It is unreal to me how much they love me.  I know I haven’t always been the best example, but I know they know I will always be there for them.

Haleigh Wilcox Our friendship has stood the test of time, 13 years has passed since we became best friends.  From dance, to being the “mean girls” in elementary school, to being at her wedding, I have loved every minute of our special friendship.  She is a fantastic cosmataologist, and is responsible for my red hair.  We don’t have too much in common, but we are always there for each other.

The girls of #223 (Paige, Nicole, Kaisha, and Ariel) They are the most amazing roommates anyone could ever ask for.  We cried together, we danced together, went on runs together, and ate junk food together, but most importantly we grew together.  They taught me some of the most valuable life lessons, and I love them with all my heart, just know that each one of you have impacted my life for the best.  I love you all.

“…friends are those who stand by us in times of loneliness or potential despair. We could remember a friend we need to contact or, better yet, a friend we need to make. In doing so we could remember that God often provides his blessings through the compassionate and timely response of another. For someone nearby we may be the means of heaven’s answer to a very urgent prayer.” To read full talk click  here. 

Perfect German Specimen No More...

       I have had blonde hair my whole life except for a few months when I dyed it black for my competition dance team.  As everything in my life has fallen apart in the last few months, I decided to start over with everything, so I dyed my hair red.  I didn't tell anyone I was doing it, so it came as a huge shock to most.  Surprisingly everyone LOVES it, my mother even told me it looks so good that I should dye it red the rest of my life!  The only person I was scared to see it is my German grandmother.  True to form, the first time she saw it she didn't even give me a hug, she said "What happened to your hair?  Did you fall in a bucket of red paint?"  And her parting words were, "Next time I see you, you're going to be blonde, right?"  I can't please everyone I guess.  And even though I know that I am pretty much written out of her will now, for not looking like the perfect German arian race I am still happy with my decision of being a ginger. 

I dearly love to laugh... A family trait I think

The next two stories are things that brought humor to my mundane life this last week:

• I attended my sister’s class that she teaches at BYU on Friday, which was quite amusing, but my favorite part was when the students were complaining that their next paper was due the day Harry Potter 7 comes out.  This got the whole class distracted and talking about their excitement for the upcoming event.  One girl said, I heard there was a nude scene in the movie.  This comment erupted into more discussion on the matter, but immediately a boy commented and said, yeah and it’s Hagrid.

• The next story takes place 35 minutes outside of Logan Utah where my dear friend (who shall remain nameless in case I want to write more about him later) would drive with his friends to patronize the nearest Denny’s.  Why they would drive that far for a 5^th rate establishment is beyond me, but I suppose that living in such a small town makes you desperate. Anyway, he told me when they went there they hoped for the lunatic waitress, not the crazy lunatic.  This time they were graced by just the lunatic, so they thought they were safe.  When they went to pay their bill there were 3 waters on there and the lunatic asked, “Who had the waters?”  The three guys just kind of looked at each other and laughed, thinking she was joking.  One of them answered, “….Well they’re free aren’t they?”  “Yes, but I just need to know who’s bill to put them on.”  “Well there are three of us, and three waters…”  How some people function in life is beyond me… They joked that next time they went in there she was going to ask who used what napkin, and fork etc…  This is just further proof of why you should never go to Denny’s. 

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page

I want to travel to every country  before I die.  But here is my list for the next 10 years:

Cayman Islands

Egypt

Pakistan

Ivory Coast

Russia

India

Indonesia

Fiji

Australia

Israel

New Zealand

Tahiti

Malta

Rwanda

Peru 

**Let me know if you're interested in joining me

I hate grocery shopping

Everyone who has ever lived with me knows this.  In college I managed to only go to the store about once a month.  Today my mom wanted me to go to Costco with her, and I said yes since I had nothing better to do with my time.  We managed to make a spectacle of ourselves not two, not three, but four times. 

Incident number 1- As we were waiting for the cashier to find our photos we ordered I saw Winged Migration on the TVs'.  I said, "Mom remember that time you made me take Grandma to that movie?"  (My grandmother LOVES birds) My mom answered, "No! We all went to see that."  "Definitely not. That was one of those times you made me do some awful task you didn't want to do" (Just like when you made me drive to a dump in the middle of no where Springville to drop off our old refrigerator...But that is a different story)  "That was the worst movie ever, Grandma and I slept through the whole thing." The guy was practically crying while listening to this.

Incident number 2- As the same poor guy was checking us out for our photos, Drew my 11 year brother started making some horrible squawking noises.  I said, silence yourself! You sound like that heinous little girl a few minutes ago.  (There had been a girl making noise and my mom had kept trying to get her attention to give her a dirty look to stop her racket) The cashier obviously found this humorous as well.  I was being perfectly serious. 

Incident number 3- While looking for contact solution my mom spotted medical rubber gloves and says to me, "Hey, should we get you some for Rwanda?"  I replied in a smart arse voice, "Yuuppp I'm just going to walk around with rubber gloves on all day."  A woman overheard our conversation and lost her composure as we walked away.

Incident number 4- My mom has the horrible habit of running away from me in stores, and says that she was just looking at something else... I believe otherwise.  Today after getting a drink while she was checking out I saw her literally running through the parking lot with the cart towards our car.  Needless to say we got quite a few strange looks from the civilians watching us.

So if you ever need someone to go grocery shopping with, don't call me unless you want to hear me complain about how cold it is in there, and help make a complete fool out of you. 

What's that word I'm looking for? No it's not handyman...

Due to the fact that I'm probably the lamest person at home repairs ever to try to fix anything... That means that I must marry someone who can fix everything. 

Please and thank you.

Sweet Time of Grieving

        I never intended for this blog to be one in which I talked about “feelings” all the time, but I suppose that is what has been on my mind these past few months.  It is safe to say that I am a broken being right now.  I’ve been wallowing in self-pity this last little while, but now it is time to be tough again and live my life in accordance to my biggest inspiration; “In the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not winced nor cried aloud.  Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody, but unbowed.”  I have gone through all the stages of pain: Sadness, anger, bitterness, blaming myself.  No matter how much I focused on these I never found solace in any of them. This person hurt me, but when I look at the big picture I am thankful they inflicted this on me, and I was not the one who did it to them.  Maybe it is selfish but I would much rather suffer than know I had made another feel like this. 

            While talking to my mother she fed the famous line, “it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”  I know this to be true.  She also gave me the advice of- I can’t rely on others for my happiness.  My fortune cookie is even trying to point me into the right direction- your good nature will bring you happiness.

            So it is clear that I am on to bigger and better things than being sad about my life.  I have decided to put together a list of goals for myself:

• Start dancing again
• Join a fencing gym
• Practice, practice, practice until I have perfect German, and French
• Become certified to teach yoga
• Start designing again, and get my look book put together
• Stick to my daily work out schedule and get to the point that I’m proud of my body
• Fill out my application to be on The Amazing Race 
• Have a solid repertoire including-
• Prelude in C Sharp Minor by Sergei Rachmaninoff
• Clair de Lune by Claude Debussy
• The Swan by Camille Saint-Saens
• Turkish March by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Song of India Rimsky Korsakov 

Words of kindness that our poor hearts crave. Please don't keep them, hidden away.

Lately I have lost sight of who I am.  It’s easy to get lost and turned around in a world like ours.  I was categorically kicked when I was down; I feel like I am 30 feet under water, and kicking my way to the surface. I’ve forgotten where I’ve been, and how far I’ve come. I may not be the strongest person yet, but I am getting there.  I have undergone a huge change in myself these past few years.  I had to learn lessons the hard way because I was too stubborn to listen to anyone else.  I learned that I can’t just manipulate, and walk all over people to what I get what I want.  Chris once told me that I’m a clever girl who knows exactly what I want, and how to get it.  Maybe that’s true but I got to a point in my life where I was ashamed of who I was, and knew a metamorphosis was necessary to redeem myself in this life.

I realized that I didn’t want to be remembered as the girl everyone was jealous of because she had it all; I want to be remembered as the girl that would stop what she was doing to run to the aid of broken friend.  I want to be remembered as the girl who never spoke negatively about anyone.  The bottom line is, I want to be a good person.  I no longer wanted to inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of my own happiness or satisfaction. I’ve learned true happiness comes from a sense of peace and contentment, which I obtain by serving others, and opening my heart to all.

People who know me now are often shocked to find out about past mistakes, or don’t believe me when I tell them about my previous character-or lack thereof.  Those who have known me for a while however I still feel are cautious around me, and I fear they still see the old Margot.  I realize I cannot control the way people view me, I can only do my best to show them a girl who is unselfish, kind, and charitable. 

I Made Dinner. (No It's Not the Apocalypse)

Before yesterday I couldn't even cook mac&cheese right.


        My dear sweet boyfriend had the notion that he needs to get me ready to be a cute little wife, so he sent me one of his favorite recipes and asked if I would try to make it.  It was a Lemon Chicken, with Mushroom Sauce.  He also enclosed a score card for someone to fill out.  It included questions like: How cute did Margot look while preparing and serving the food?  How many screams or shouts of anger came from the kitchen? Were the noodles aldanté? How lemony was the chicken?  How long until Margot could be persuaded upon to cook again? How long would it take Margot's husband to put the kitchen back in order and wash the dishes after the meal?  Bless him.
        I decided to bring the meal over for Chirs's parents to try.  Mistake #1, his mother informed me that it was her recipe.  She is an absolute amazing chef so that just added more pressure to it. Long story short, the dinner turned out shockingly delectable.  Chris's mother even said it was better than hers.  Maybe I do have a few qualities to be a good wife.

Happy National Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night

        My father has been relentlessly trying to get these people kicked out of our neighborhood, so he makes weekly trips to the city of Provo zoning office to speak to Mr. Bennett.  He tells my father he is busy, and is working on it.  On his most frequent visit, he found Mr. Bennett hard at work picking zucchini from the office planters.  (They decided to grow vegetables instead of flowers this year.)  Tax payers money hard at work.

Awkward Moments Define My Life

        I work as a hostess at Romano's Macaroni Grill.  I was trying to make small talk with a couple as I brought them back to their table-I asked if they were celebrating anything special.  The man said,  "We're celebrating getting through another day of marriage."  "You don't know how bad it is yet, but you will someday."

       I will not marry a man unless I know that I will enjoy, and be thankful for everyday I get to spend with him, and not "just get through it." 

Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

For quite some time now I have contemplated starting a blog.  I suppose the close of an era of my life is the perfect time to start writing.   The summer of 2010 was a varied one.  I had hard lessons learned, friends lost, and friends gained.  Laughs, and many, many tears.  My life has always been mapped out for me, and now most of that has fallen to pieces.  This summer was about finding myself, and making the big decisions that will determine the rest of my life.  I made lots of mistakes, but have no regrets. Let's face it, life is tough! We live in a time of uncertainty and confusion as well as much suffering. Bad things do happen to good people and good things do happen to bad people. Those two truths must be accepted before one can ever find peace. So here’s to many more summers, and many more lessons to be learned.